But just when I started to do well, I fell on my butt in the middle of the snow. I started crying because it hurt so bad, but to make everything worse, the cute instructor came up right behind me and smiled at me in a 'You're pathetic' kind of way.
Thought it was a butt plug, but I guess it was too narrow, and it got lost up there.
Had to have surgery to get it out. Well the one time we had had sex in her house she started to call me daddy as usual. Her dad hears her though and runs up the stairs, knocks on her door, and tries to come in an ask if everything was all right. Thankfully the door was locked but she said yeah, no, everything is OK. Never again did I have sex in her house with her parents home.
He decided to finger me, bit his nails beforehand and scraped my insides so hard. He thought he broke my hymen but in reality I needed to go to the hospital.
Ended up having to get stitches. Giving cunnilingus after anal is a shitty, sticky mess. Went to give her a big ole ass-smack and missed. Took a minute to cry and then continued banging. We kept a small bottle of lube on one all the time. One week when I came over I was doing my thingimpaling her with all my strength. I decided to lube up, so I do my normal routine and grab the lube off the nightstand.
I turn the lights on and notice she had a small bottle of hand sanitizer next to the lube. A healthy dose of hand sanitizer on your manhood stings very much. We had a good laugh and decided to take a break and try again later on. One side effect was that it was very difficult to cum. Told her I was close, and she said to pull out and finish on her stomach. So once I was just there, I pull out, only to piss all over her.
After the initial shock of just receiving a golden shower, she just started laughing. Somewhat surprising, she still lets me do things to her with my penis. Well, hosts at the party picked up on it and granted them both a quiet room on an upper level off limits to the main party.
After about 10 minutes of us beaming proudly and holding back from listening in on the door, the door flew open and out came our nerdy guy running like hell, half naked and covered in something. He made it to the bathroom and proceeded to puke and gag and took off for the dorms. The sex was pretty OK but one night I was going down on her for a long, long time. She was making a lot of noise and I thought that just meant she was enjoying it so I kept going. The next day she called me up to let me know I focused way too much on her clitoris and it was all swollen and painful.
She then asked for my address and sent me a ton of articles on how to properly go down on a woman. We stopped seeing each other very shortly after that. My aim was slightly off, so I cum all over her headboard and the pillow and the dribble hits her amazing white satin sheets.
Most helpful girls
Another time, not me, but we were going at it furiously, aaaand she queefs. Still is I guess as she brings it up on occasion. Another time, a different girlfriend, she is riding me and sharts all over my balls. A woman I lived with loved anal, we were going at it, I pull out to switch positions and a turd chased my cock out. It was my first time using anal be and had no idea what I was doing.
Once I had shoved all the be up there she told me to pull them out and being the nervous inexperienced guy that I was I ended up yanking them out like I was starting a lawnmower. She screamed and jumped so hard I thought she was going to hit the ceiling and ended up leaving a major fecal disaster all over my bed. Seriously massive amounts of lube-infused poo-covered me and my bed and carpet. She waddled over to the restroom clenching her newly prolapsed anus and I awkwardly tried to console her painful sobbing from the other side of the door for almost an hour.
Nothing kills a boner quicker than a cold wet snout on your sphincter. At least she found it funny.
I was going down on her one day and I decided to throw my tongue into her bum and she loved it. Things proceeded as they do, and life went on. Fast-forward a few months. I had had a couple bouts of crippling gastrointestinal issues, sort of intermittently. Awful diarrhea for a few days at a time, every weeks or so.
Nothing seemed to help. I hit the bathroom and after I flushed and washed my hands, I checked to see if I needed to flush again. To my horror, there was a single tiny worm in the toilet. Turns out my stomach problems were a result of giving this girl a rimjob. I took some deworming meds and felt like I was dying inside for a couple days. I dropped turds that looked like they had the beard of Zeus, because when worms die in you they turn a ghostly greyish white.
Mid-coitus she got a little dry and told him to spit on her. He, not knowing what she meant but trying to oblige her, hocked a fat loogie and spit it on her chest. Gave myself a facial.
She always wanted me to call her a slut, etc. We dated for years, it basically became part of my routine. First partner afterwards:. Farted at point of climax. I had no ability to stop. Each pump of jizz released a fart of differing notes. They stunk, too.
When I came, my toes curled and everything in my body flexed and I must have been dehydrated because both of my calves cramped like crazy. I yelled and had to get her to roll off of me.
What is your most embarrassing “caught naked” story?
I walked with a limp for a couple days because they cramped so bad. We go out to an adult toy store and get an anal vibrator then proceed home for sexy time. The sexy times continue and she proceeds to pull out the vibrator and begins to lube it up as she performs fellatio. The moment of truth arrives and she slowly begins to slide the vibrator into my ass until the entire toy has set up camp next to my prostate.
She flips the switch, not realizing it is set to high. She had recently showered, and hairless, so I had no reason to object. Here we go giving my first ever rimjob. She gets pretty into it. Then, out of nowhere…. That was a fart.
She immediately catapulted off of me and rolled to the other side of the bed. So horrified and embarrassed that she started crying, and trying to apologize through the tears. I thought it was fucking hilarious. She calmed down after about 5 minutes and we restarted the action. No more tongue-punching the fart-box, though.
Most helpful girls
At least not that day. Stayed there for a while drinking fairly heavily, and then she invited me back to a house she was watching. Anyway, we start going at it quite sloppily, I might add and it starts to get hot in the room. She stands on the bed to turn on the overhead fan while I sit up against the cool concrete wall behind the pillows to catch my breath and cool off. Well, she goes for the fan chain and loses her balance.